I didn't want to work for a Starbucks, Peets, etc., because I did not want to work for "the Man," nor did I want to work with substandard coffee. I am addicted to the good stuff, and I want it for free. I don't care about converting people, educating people, or judging them for putting sugar in their single origin coffee. My choice to work at a third wave coffee shop was completely driven by my chemical addiction to the superior product. Now I am in five years deep, and I feel like I have made a terrible mistake for several reasons.
First off is the douche-bag factor. It is not as much the customers as it is with the employees. The customers, as it is a higher priced place, are usually pretty tame. There are certain employees however, that feel they have the right to judge anyone who puts cream in their coffee. They use words like "full-bodied," "flavor profile," and "ristretto." They try and pronounce the name of the single origin coffee pour over coffee they are trying to force on some old person who just wants a cup of joe. Worst of all, they absolutely refuse to ice their espresso. Even though an experienced coffee drinker will agree espresso tastes better hot, people who want their iced vanilla latte just want their iced vanilla latte. To quote a customer who forced me to give her an iced espresso or she would leave put it, "Grandpa don't like punk rock, and I don't like jazz."Are we no better than Jehovah's Witnesses, trying to force our belief on others who just don't care?
The inside bullshit an employee puts up with at a small business is tantamount to any amount of tall non-fat sugar-free half-caf concoctions one would have to make at a mainstream shop. By bullshit, I mean confounded, time-wasting tasks that consume much of the day. For example, we make cold brewed ice coffee. A delicious product, when you submerge coffee in cold water for twenty four hours, it tastes like magic. There are several quick, and easy to use products to make this drink of gods such as a toddy or a kyoto brewer. Simply grind the coffee, pour it in with the water, wait a day and you have the best iced coffee ever. Instead of one of these fine products, we measure our coffee into regular bleached filters (about twenty of them per batch) and individually tie them up tight with string. It takes about twenty minutes of total labor time, but usually an hour when you have to help a customer after you tie each pod. This process is also extremely hypocritical for a green business. We go through a lot of bleached coffee filters. And as a side note, I get shit when I use bleach to clean the floor drain, because it is bad for the little fishies in the ocean, but it is apparently totally OK to steep a bleached filter with your iced coffee for a day. But toddys are too expensive, says the owner.
Speaking of expenses, we all know that labor is a company's greatest expense. It makes me extremely nervous about my job stability when the employees are encouraged to leave early without doing sidework, and we are often under-scheduled. Not only is this disconcerting and has me wondering how long this business will last, but as the resident closer, I get stuck with a lot of extra work at the end of the day that has been left undone. Then of course if one dish is left unwashed because I already turned off the dishwasher, the morning crew blames me. It makes me resent my hard working nature.
The best part is that hard work never pays off. We are told that in this Capitalist country, we are rewarded for hard work. That may be true in a corporation, hard work and dedication may mean a promotion, hence a bigger paycheck. Even more hard work could mean even more promotions. However, in a small business you have no where to be promoted to. Especially because they have no money to give you a raise. This also relates to the subject of tipping. No matter how nice you are to certain customers, or how tasty their beverage is, they will never tip a barista. Hard work does not always pay off.
Now you might say, just go get a job at Starbucks. Working for a place with no efficiency issues and job security might be nice. The problem is as I mentioned before, I am completely addicted to the quality product. I also love having a boss who is also my friend. As much as I do not agree with a lot of the decisions she makes for her business, she is a wonderful, caring human who I know on a personal level. I would have a real problem working for some unknown face, and that might make me even more angry at the end of the day than I already am.
7/15/2011
6/22/2011
I stopped trying to do this because I got fired
But you know what? That is no reason to be a quitter. Because I'm not a quitter. I got fired. For clearly hating my job. And for some really rude Yelp posts about me. And here's what I have to say to you, the Yelpers:
Go fuck yourselves and each other in really uncomfortable, awkward ways. You hurt my feelings when you call me a "hipster with an attitude problem" in a public forum. Havn't you ever hated your job? Havn't you ever been overworked and underpaid? You should be saying mean things about the owner, not about the unfortunate byproduct middle man peddling his goods for minimum wage. And more importantly, if you had spent anywhere near enough time with me to be talking shit about me, you would know that I eat bacon cheeseburgers like every other day (not vegan) and like to drive my car angrily around cyclists (because I am not cool enough to ride a bike). Those things alone take me clear out of the hipster category. One day, I will construct a public forum website for employees to review employers and customers. If that existed, I never would have taken this last job because someone would have said. "man it sucks working here. we don't get paid enough and the boss doesn't give a shit that everything is broken and we are out of everything all the time. the majority of the customers are people who order on their cell phones because they are too busy making twenty times what we make and don't tip and junkies coming in to shoot up in the bathroom you have to clean later." If only I had known.
All bitching rants aside, I got a new coffee shop job. I tried for a month to find something different and better, but you need experience to get any job. At least this coffee shop doesn't have any tweaker regulars and serves good coffee. I am still bitter that I am not making 100K a year yet, so I want to keep telling stories about being a barista. I want to keep this job so I can pay rent, so I won't tell any stories pertaining to it. I do have some gems from other places, maybe I'll try to finish them before I post.
PS the end of the drunk guy story goes like this: I had to turn around to refill someone's teacup from the hellburnwaterdispenser and in that time the drunk guy started yelling at the hippy on stage that he needed to "feeeeel it maaan!! you're not into it!!! COME ON!!!!" I told him he had to leave and he turned to me, put his hands on the counter to stabilize himself and said, "OK fine, but you know what??? I LOVE YOU," and stumbled out the door. I guess he's the better person because he loves me.
Go fuck yourselves and each other in really uncomfortable, awkward ways. You hurt my feelings when you call me a "hipster with an attitude problem" in a public forum. Havn't you ever hated your job? Havn't you ever been overworked and underpaid? You should be saying mean things about the owner, not about the unfortunate byproduct middle man peddling his goods for minimum wage. And more importantly, if you had spent anywhere near enough time with me to be talking shit about me, you would know that I eat bacon cheeseburgers like every other day (not vegan) and like to drive my car angrily around cyclists (because I am not cool enough to ride a bike). Those things alone take me clear out of the hipster category. One day, I will construct a public forum website for employees to review employers and customers. If that existed, I never would have taken this last job because someone would have said. "man it sucks working here. we don't get paid enough and the boss doesn't give a shit that everything is broken and we are out of everything all the time. the majority of the customers are people who order on their cell phones because they are too busy making twenty times what we make and don't tip and junkies coming in to shoot up in the bathroom you have to clean later." If only I had known.
All bitching rants aside, I got a new coffee shop job. I tried for a month to find something different and better, but you need experience to get any job. At least this coffee shop doesn't have any tweaker regulars and serves good coffee. I am still bitter that I am not making 100K a year yet, so I want to keep telling stories about being a barista. I want to keep this job so I can pay rent, so I won't tell any stories pertaining to it. I do have some gems from other places, maybe I'll try to finish them before I post.
PS the end of the drunk guy story goes like this: I had to turn around to refill someone's teacup from the hellburnwaterdispenser and in that time the drunk guy started yelling at the hippy on stage that he needed to "feeeeel it maaan!! you're not into it!!! COME ON!!!!" I told him he had to leave and he turned to me, put his hands on the counter to stabilize himself and said, "OK fine, but you know what??? I LOVE YOU," and stumbled out the door. I guess he's the better person because he loves me.
3/22/2011
3/21/2011
Be Nice to Yr Barista
Do you really want to piss off the person who makes your morning wake up?
No, I'm not going to spit in it. But you know what I can do? I can give you decaf. And you will have no idea until an hour or so later and you need another coffee. Maybe this time you will tip me, or even a simple please and thank you if you feel you cannot afford a tip (and if you can't afford a tip, maybe you should be making your own damn coffee). I could go on forever why this is the most genius way I have devised to passively aggressively get revenge on customers who are assholes to me, but I will let you just sit and think about for a minute.
You have been warned.
P.S. When I figure out how to work this internet thing, these blogs will be in cartoon form. I can more accurately display the ridiculous things that happen to me every day that way, and I am hoping they will be relatively funny since they will all be true stories.
No, I'm not going to spit in it. But you know what I can do? I can give you decaf. And you will have no idea until an hour or so later and you need another coffee. Maybe this time you will tip me, or even a simple please and thank you if you feel you cannot afford a tip (and if you can't afford a tip, maybe you should be making your own damn coffee). I could go on forever why this is the most genius way I have devised to passively aggressively get revenge on customers who are assholes to me, but I will let you just sit and think about for a minute.
You have been warned.
P.S. When I figure out how to work this internet thing, these blogs will be in cartoon form. I can more accurately display the ridiculous things that happen to me every day that way, and I am hoping they will be relatively funny since they will all be true stories.
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